Misadventures In The Real World
by eternal-brat
Summary: A series of oneshots each chapter dealing with a Shinigami in a unique situation in the human realm


**MISADVENTURES IN THE REAL WORLD**

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**Chapter 1 – Candyland**

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"Kurosaki, where are we going?" The white-haired taicho was obviously irritated; he had been ordered to train the shinigami representative, but the orange-haired teen was leading him into a large, brightly lit building.

The taller youth flashed a smile over his shoulder. "Relax, Toushirou, we have plenty of time to spar later. Right now, I want to get some candy."

"It's Hitsugaya Taicho! Not Toushirou!" The smaller man was adamant about being treated with respect, something he felt that he never received from Ichigo. His mind suddenly wrapped around the rest of his companion's statement. "Candy? What kind?" He was suddenly very interested; he had a sweet tooth which, unfortunately, was very seldom satisfied due to the lack of candy in Seireitei. His eyes lit up as he looked around at the seemingly endless rows and countless containers of candy.

Ichigo snickered at the dazed glassy-eyed stare of the 10th squad Taicho. "Toushirou," he waved his hand in front of his face. "Are you still with me?"

Red color suffused the diminutive taicho's face. "Be quiet," he muttered, knowing that it would be an exercise in futility to actually attempt to silence the outspoken human shinigami. His turquoise eyes widened, sparkling with curiosity and child-like pleasure as he started walking down one aisle, looking into each absurdly colored container.

There were so many different types to choose from! How did ordinary humans manage with all these tasty choices? Hitsugaya found himself salivating as he stared at the container of hard caramel candy, their shiny golden wrappers taunting him, daring him to unwrap one and place the delicious sugary confection in his mouth.

Ichigo watched, amused as the diminutive taicho all but drooled over the various containers. He never imagined that Toushirou had such a love for candy. He didn't imagine him being that passionate about anything, except preserving Seireitei. It was nice to discover such a child-like characteristic in the unusually mature, often stern shinigami. He idly wondered if the other shinigami are aware of his sweet tooth.

The teen trailed behind the awestruck man. Hitsugaya wandered slowly up the first aisle, stopping and peering into each container. "Kurosaki…what do I do if I want to buy some?"

"Simple. Get a bag and put the candy you want in it. Each time you pick a different one, you have to get another bag. When you're finished, just take them to the cashier," he pointed at the young girl behind the register, "and she'll tell you how much money you owe."

That sounded easy enough. The white-haired shinigami grabbed a few bags and started adding pieces of different types of hard candy to them. He stopped at every container, examined the contents, and determined if it was a flavor he liked or if it was one he had never tried.

The shinigami representative observed the stoic taicho as he agonized over the array of colors and flavors. Hitsugaya already had an armful of bags and he had just started down the second aisle. Not including this aisle, there were three more rows of candy for him to explore. Ichigo grinned, retrieving a basket from the front of the store. "Here," he pushed the cart towards the shorter man. "This will make it easier for you."

He glanced at Ichigo before gratefully dumping the bags into the basket. "Arigato, Kurosaki." He peered down the aisle. "What's down this one?"

The brown eyes narrowed in concentration. "Oh, this one has suckers and gum."

"Gum? What is that?" The white-haired shinigami was intensely curious. He had never heard of that type of candy.

Ichigo was dumbstruck. "You've never had gum? Bubble gum?" He pulled his companion down the row, stopping in front of the buckets of flavored bubble gum; apple, grape, cinnamon, cherry, strawberry, raspberry, and watermelon.

"Watermelon?" Toushirou was thrilled with that discovery. He eagerly grabbed two handfuls of this unknown type of candy and dropped it into a bag.

"Ummm… Toushirou, do you have a particular fondness for watermelon?"

Hot color flooded his face, contrasting greatly with the deep frown he bestowed on the orange-haired teen. Damn! His love for watermelon was the best kept secret in Seireitei-only Hinamori was aware of his obsession with the sweet juicy fruit. And now Kurosaki had witnessed his weakness. Shit! How was he supposed to reply to that curious question? He decided to bluff his way out of directly answering. "I told you I had never tasted bubble gum before; why would you ask about one particular flavor? I've never had any of them." He mentally congratulated himself on avoiding answering Ichigo's question.

His companion's eyes twitched at that non-answer. Shrugging, he turned and headed across the store, heading for his favorite aisle-number 5- the chocolate one. Ichigo had a particular lust for dark chocolate; that was his weakness. He wanted to hurry up and pick out his candy and pay for it before Toushirou caught him obsessing over the variety of chocolate candies available.

Satisfied with his bags of bubble gum, the excited taicho headed for the suckers. He knew what these were, but he was unprepared for the variety available for him to choose from. There were plain suckers in all flavors, some with bubble gum centers, some with tootsie roll centers, and then there were large, multi-flavored suckers.

Confusion rolled through his mind; what should he choose? He decided against the ones with the bubble gum centers; he needed to try the bubble gum first. With that decision firmly set in his mind, he focused on the ones with the tootsie roll centers. Not exactly sure what a tootsie roll was, he was hesitant to select any of these, but seeing all the available flavors, cherry, grape, strawberry, …chocolate…a chocolate sucker? He had never imagined such a treat. Eagerly, he grabbed a large handful of them, looking over his shoulder to ensure that Kurosaki wasn't watching him. His pride was still smarting from Ichigo's teasing about the watermelon bubble gum.

Where was he? He hadn't seen the obnoxious teen for a while; where had he disappeared to? Curious, his footsteps undetectable, he looked up the unexplored aisles, discovering the truculent youth in an aisle devoted entirely to chocolate. A blissful expression on his face, his eyes shining, his body radiating extreme pleasure, he selected a variety of the small wrapped squares.

An evil grin on his face, the white haired shinigami sneaked up behind the enthralled soul reaper. "Enjoying yourself, Ichigo?" he whispered softly, snickering at the 'deer in the headlights' look on the startled one's face.

"Bite me, Shiro-chan! You have no right to harass me…not after you practically drooled over the caramel candy! And certainly not after you bought all that watermelon bubble gum! I wonder what the other taichos would say about that? What would Matsumoto say?" He continued to tease and torment the smaller teen.

"What did you call me?" The 10th Division taicho was incensed at Ichigo's blatant disrespect. "Answer me, Strawberry." He knew he was being childish to resort to name-calling, but he didn't care; it was actually quite fun to break free of the constraints that his position demanded.

Ichigo, amused at the sight of Hitsugaya Taicho resorting to name-calling, burst into laughter. "Strawberry? You'll have to do better than that, Shiro-chan. People have called me that for years."

The white-haired one was livid. "Don't call me that!!" He spoke harshly, his face red, his hands tightly clenched. "You will respect me, Kurosaki Ichigo," his voice low, calm, intimidating.

Ichigo sobered, the gaiety vanishing. "Relax, Taicho. I was just teasing you. Why does that bother you so?"

"People have always judged me by my size; they seem to think that I am just a child because of my stature. I am many years older than you, Ichigo; yet, I don't get half the respect you do, simply because I appear so much younger." His brilliant turquoise eyes dulled slightly. "I am the youngest taicho and also one of the most powerful, yet the other captains tend to treat me like a child. I hate that."

The orange-haired one nodded. "Okay, Hitsugaya Taicho. I won't call you Shiro-chan anymore." He waved his hand at the chocolate candy around them. "Why don't you go ahead and get some candy bars while we are on this aisle?"

The spiky white head shook in a negative response. "I don't really care that much for chocolate candy bars; I prefer the hard candy that you can suck on or just let melt slowly in your mouth." He glanced up at his companion. "And you don't have to be so formal; you can call me Toushirou."

A wide grin flashed across Ichigo's face. "Okay, Toushirou. Let's go explore the sour candy aisle. I think you'll love those."

In companionable silence, they headed for aisle 4 - Ichigo's second favorite. He couldn't wait to share these tasty candies with his comrade. The taller, snickering teen grabbed a bag and starting filling it with warheads; he loved them--the sour, acidic bite that gradually faded into a strangely almost sweet flavor.

Intensely curious about the candy that Ichigo was hoarding, the smaller one reached into one of the containers and retrieved a piece. "Warheads? What kind are these?"

Ichigo glanced over. "Oh…that's a black cherry warhead. Those are pretty good, but I prefer the lemon ones; they are really sour. They'll make your eyes water." He grinned evilly. "They come watermelon flavored as well."

The icy glare rivaled the freezing ability of his zanpakutou.

Briefly pondering Ichigo's explanation, Toushirou decided to get a few bags and put some of the different flavors in them. He added these bags to the dozens already in the shopping cart.

More knowledgeable than his companion, Ichigo eagerly educated his friend about the different types of sour candy—warheads, jolly ranchers, sour powders, pixie stix, nerds, sweettarts. That name baffled Toushirou. "If they are sour, why are they called sweet?"

Ichigo couldn't procure a rational explanation. Eventually, he snapped and told the inquisitive one that the person who named the candy chose that particular name so that white-haired shinigami would drive themselves crazy in a vain attempt to answer that question.

That smart-ass comment earned him another soul-freezing glare from the 10th Division Taicho.

"Okay, we're down to the last aisle. This one has jelly beans and gummies."

"Gummies?" Hitsugaya repeated. "What are they?"

Ichigo laughed, enjoying the other's confusion. "You've never had gummy worms?" Toushirou, you've been deprived if you haven't ever eaten them. They are so delicious!" He laughed harder at the slightly nauseated expression on the shorter one's countenance.

"Worms? You're kidding, right? Even humans wouldn't be so depraved as to make worm candy!" Toushirou grew even queasier as he contemplated people actually eating worms.

Grabbing the smaller one's arm, Ichigo pulled him around the corner while single-handedly maneuvering the cart. "See," he pointed at the containers on the left side. "Gummy worms and gummy bears." He reached into one and pulled out a small bag. He handed it to the shorter male beside him. Reflexively, his hand closed around the package before he remembered what it contained.

Cautiously, curiously, the turquoise-eyed man peered at the worms in the bag. Relief flowed through his mind as he realized that the gummy worms are just that. Gummy worms. Soft, slightly squishy candy stretched and twisted to resemble worms. "I'm going to kill you, Kurosaki. Just wait until we start training. You will regret teasing me and making me think that humans would actually make worm candy."

Ichigo laughed harder, tears forming and rolling down his cheeks. "Toushirou, you are twisted! You honestly believed that gummy worms were real worms? Gross!! Do you really think I would eat something that disgusting?"

His mirth was contagious; soon both of them were bent over gasping to catch their breath. After a few minutes, the taicho started filling a bag with the gummy worms. He planned on 'sharing' them with all his fellow taichos and fukutaichos. He anticipated the look of disgust on Kuchiki Taicho's face when Yachiru handed him a bag of the deceptively named confection.

Meanwhile, Ichigo was busy filling several bags with a variety of jellybeans. He remembered that Rukia and Ukitake Taicho both had a weakness for them. He would send them with Toushirou when he returned to Seireitei.

"Are you done?" The orange-haired youth directed the question to his companion.

The unusual colored eyes studied the mound of bags in the shopping cart. "I think so. If I got anymore, I don't think I could transport it all back with me."

"You can always borrow one of my backpacks to make them easier to carry. That way, you don't have to worry about losing any in the tunnel."

The white-haired one considered his offer. "I've got a better idea. Why don't you come back with me? After all, I am supposed to be training you. Why not do it in Seireitei?" He grinned evilly. "That way you can personally witness Byakuya's reaction to the gummy worms."

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okay, that's all for the first chapter. Poor Toushirou; I couldn't resist making him my first victim. Next up is...Shunsui. What will he do when he finds a liquor store?

Arigato to everyone who has read this drabble. Please review and let me know what you think...


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